The word on the street

12/12/07

Sleeping with Baby - would you, should you?

Letting baby into your bed after yet another sleepless night is often one of the easiest and most natural things for new parents to resort to.

In fact, it has become so natural that one in two parents in the UK now admit to letting their infant or small child sleep with them on a regular basis.

At the same time, some studies have shown that the nurturing and closeness that happen during the night can help create a stronger relationship between you and your child.

According to these studies, sleep-sharing babies tend to breastfeed more and stay awake for shorter periods of time during the night resulting in less sleep disruption for their parents. Babies who co-sleep are also reported to cry less.

Yet despite these benefits, co-sleeping has become somewhat of a dirty secret somewhat akin to wearing a hoodie or swinging.

It is not surprising then that those parents who secretly co-sleep have another trait in common – they all feel guilty for doing it, somehow believing that it must make them bad parents.

In Wales, like the rest of the UK, co-sleeping is not actively encouraged.

The Department of Health, for example, says bed-sharing is linked to an increased risk of infant death or SIDS, taking its lead from the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths. 

Similarly, childcare author Gina Ford recommends that parents teach babies to sleep in cots “away from the rest of the house...without the assistance of adults”.

Whatever your parenting technique, the recent incident where a young mom from Creigiau near Cardiff lost her six-month-old daughter after she wriggled down into the duvet has not helped shift the perception of co-sleeping as “yet another gruesome way to kill your baby”.

Kathryn Crawford, founder of independent parenting resource www.thebabywebsite.com based in Radyr says this is a truly sad state of affairs:

“New parents spend an inordinate amount of their time worrying about their babies and all the terrible ways the scaremongering statistics indicate they could harm them.

“At the same time our own natural instincts are constantly challenged by frequently changing advice from government bodies and parenting ‘gurus’. This makes it very hard for parents to stick to a course of action even if they do feel it is the best for their particular situation.”

Ultimately, Mrs Crawford believes co-sleeping on its own is not the problem as proven time and time again across the globe. However if combined with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes it very well can be.

She says: “We do suggest to parents that in order for them to make an informed choice, they should take notice of  government and other healthcare recommendations, but not at the expense of common sense.”

One such parent who became an unintentional co-sleeper is Marylin Winter, 31, who moved to Cardiff from Erfurt, Thuringia in Germany six years ago.

Marylin, who holds a PhD in geographical information systems from the University of Glamorgan, says that she was dead set on not letting her baby sleep with them out of fear of cot death.

However breastfeeding on demand during the night soon took its toll and Marylin would often fall asleep leaving partner Ronald to put Magdalena safely back in her cot.

Falling asleep with baby quickly became a habit and Marylin admits that Magdalena still sleeps with them for a few hours most nights despite now trying to break the habit for good.

“Ultimately each parent needs to assess the risks for themselves. Although we would not have chosen for Magdalena to sleep with us, we have always gone out of way to protect her in case we do fall asleep with her.

“This includes no drinking or smoking and making sure that she has enough space to turn over and that there are no obstructions such as duvets or pillows.”

And as Magdalena who has just celebrated her first birthday is not very well at present, this also ensures that her parents still get some sleep at night.

For 31-year-old mother of five Gillian Davies from Pontyclun on the other hand, sleeping with baby has never been something she would even consider.

She said: “I had an epidural with my first baby and I remember the nurse plonking baby in bed with me.

“Although I could hardly move I knew that this was not a safe place for my baby to sleep and I insisted the nurse puts him in a cot next to my bed.”

Gillian also made certain that her other babies were tucked firmly and safely into their own beds from birth and 11-week-old Erin Grace is no exception.

“My mom lost her first baby to cot death and I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through. I do not want history to repeat itself and will take every necessary precaution to avoid this.”

Although Gillian tried to breastfeed three of her five young children, she now bottle feeds and gets her partner to help.

“I am very lucky to have a supportive partner who helps me with the feeds. Although none of them sleep through yet, I know that time will eventually come. Until then at least I can dream knowing babies are safely in their own beds.”

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